Hey, well this is the end of my Live Journal.  I have officially decided to move to Blogspot!  You can follow my blogs there at http://agproductionsofficial.blogspot.com/

Dear Dakota,

I will miss you forever my love...there are no words that express my grief today...as I try to come up with them, I fail...I am shocked, broken, and dying inside. A piece of you will always be with me, and a piece of me died with you. I love you my best friend, brother, and protector.



You were perhaps the most amazing dog I have ever known.  You had so many quirks that were sometimes unreal.  Who would have thought a dog could have OCD.  You loved me with all you had, and I loved you the exact same way.  You were my brother growing up.  The face I came home to after school and the one I sat with on the dog house and proclaimed my troubles to.  You were always there and no human could ever love me like you did, so unconditional and so full.  You made me the happiest girl in the world everyday.



Once we were separated from each other, all I could think was how much I missed you and how much I wanted to be with you forever.  But knowing it was for the best for you to live with dad and be in the big yard...I remember making plans for you to come live with me, but you wouldn't have been happy...you would have been with me, but at what cost?  You were right where you belonged.



I brought a puppy home in 2008, and you taught him so many things.  I see you in him everyday, and I thank God that you had a chance to give him some of you so that I would never have to be without you.  Even though the puppy drove you mad some days and I swear you looked at me as if you were saying "What the hell were you thinking kid?"  I know you loved him and I know he loved you.  He is going to miss you so much.



The last time I saw you, we played like you were a puppy again.  We ran around the front yard and had so much fun.  I got to brush you one last time and laugh as tufts of fur would come flying out and wonder how you didn't have a bald spot on your rear end.  We cuddled too, I will miss those nights of cuddling.



I woke up to a phone call this morning.  It was mom, telling me you had passed...I was devastated.  I remember when she called to tell me that Bear died and when Winter died...I fell into shock and disbelief...and when it hit me I couldn't stop the flow of tears.  They fell as if they would never stop falling.  The tears I am shedding for you are very similar.  It took awhile for it to sink in, but it finally did.  And now I am thinking about how much I am going to miss you and how much you mean to me.

I will never forget the amazing times we have had.  I remember going to the breeder to pick you out.  You were so desperate to come with us.  You sat in each of our laps and won our hearts.  We brought you home that day and your name was North...soon changed to Dakota and from then on I always joked that your real name was "North Dakota."  You were such a little frail puppy, but with so much energy.

I remember the first few nights, mainly because they were sleepless.  Just like for Jack we set up a cot in the entryway and we stayed with you so you wouldn't feel alone.



Back then, I was so desperate to find a replacement for Jack, whom we had lost the year before, I remember teaching him to sit on the roof of the doghouse that dad had built for him.  His nickname was "Snoopy 2."  All I wanted was for you to be my "snoopy 3."  You weren't too keen on the idea, but you still did it for me.



I remember the day I realized that dogs had an unbelievable amount of love.  I spoke of Jack to you, and how much I missed him.  And you, the puppy with all the energy, walked up to me solemnly and placed your paw on my knee with a look of sadness in your eyes.  I knew then that Dogs were God's way of being on earth with us to make sure that we are ok.  From that day forward, you were not a replacement of Jack.  But an angel sent to help the grieving process.

We played, walked, and swam everyday (not all of them everyday but at least one everyday).  And no matter what, you were the most amazing dog I could ever ask for.  You didn't run away like Jack did...you weren't aggressive like many German Shepherds are...in fact your quite a coward.  Scared of a tarp covering some boxes, you stepped behind me and pushed me forward.  But that was just one of your quirks.  I know if push came to shove, you would have fought to the death to save my life.

I remember the night you gave me a heart attack.  You were afraid of storms...and it was hailing.  My brain woke me up, like it always does during a storm.  And I felt something breathing next to me.  I had no idea what it was, but it was you...I reached back and sure enough I felt your course fur on my hand.  You woke up and turned to me.  You looked so scared, we cuddled the rest of that night...how you managed to get into my bedroom, I will never know.

So, the question is...what now? Where do I go from here? I haven't had to do this for a few years...not since Winter died. The loss of a pet is a loss that happens far too quickly. All I know, is that you loved really well, and you were loved...and that is what you are bringing with you and leaving behind...nothing else. And that right there is the purpose in this life. So nothing else even matters right now. You were perfect within your imperfections and you will always be my angel. Thank you for the thirteen wonderful years that you gave me, I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

With love always,
Your sister Britt <3

Alright, so I wanted to wait until I had my new camera and computer to announce this...but I am tired of waiting...not to mention I am SUPPOSED to have that stuff right now...so let's pretend I do!  Here are some exciting things to look forward to!

FACTS OF FANDOM (c) AG Productions 2009
A look inside the incredible world of Fan conventions!  I will start with Anime Conventions and eventually get other fandoms like Comic-Con and Star Trek Conventions...and see if I can time it right and get to a Red Dwarf convention (for my own personal enjoyment mostly XD).  I will release the DVDs in editions until I release the final edition which will be released after I have at least 20-25 conventions logged.  This documentary will be about two hours long and will have interviews with guests and fans alike.
               (if you would like to be part of this venture let me know.)
               The first edition SHOULD be released Anime Detour 2010 at the Artist Alley -- That is if I can get some volunteers to help me man
               the booth (so I can still get more footage and enjoy the con)

SPEECHIE (c) AG Productions 2009
Another documentary in which you will get an intimate look at the world of Minnesota State High School League Speech.  All procedes for this DVD will go directly to the Pequot Lakes High School Speech Team.

Silent Era (c) AG Productions 2009
This is going to be a fun web series (after I am a partner on Youtube) where a young woman gets trapped into a new world.  The world of silent film.  I am hoping it will be fun and funny even for those who don't like Silent Films.  I will also take ideas from subscribers on new things for this character to do.

That is all that's on the roster so far.  Let me know what you think sounds interesting and if you could...go to youtube and subscribe to "agactinggirl" so I can become a partner sooner!

Well, as some of you may know, I started a Production Company...but part of me is at a point now where I want to just pull the plug on the whole project...I need to get started...but my dad, whom I was depending on to help with the seed money, has backed out on me when I was about to make my big purchases (an iMac with a 27 inch monitor, Final Cut Pro, an External Hard Drive, a HD Digital Video camera, and a few tidbits for the camera)  This was all going to equal a little over $3,000...but my father things that's just a little too much money for him to give me for seed money, when he knows I have every intention to pay him back as soon as possible.

My dad had said he would help me with the seed money, and now when push came to shove he backed out on me.  It is REALLY depressing and I am so pissed off about it I have spent an hour crying...now I am just emotionally drained...I have no emotion left inside of me.  I am broken and starting to think clearly.  That maybe I should just give up on stupid little dreams...there's nothing great meant for me and I should just not care anymore.  And it sucks.

I will announce some plans in a couple of days...but I think it will only just depress me more.

Sorry for this emo post...but I had to complain somewhere...my mom just backs my dad up now...when she was all for it yesterday...I hate my life some days.

"He's still the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep...I miss him."  These words were spoken by the character Roseanne Conner in the 90s sitcom Roseanne.  Now, I don't want to give away what happens at the end of Roseanne for her to speak these words, so I won't say anything.  But it fits really well, since I live that very thing with my Grandpa.



It has been over two years since he passed away from pancreatic cancer, yet there are still things in my everyday life that makes me think of him and even gets me a little emotional.  Today, was a big one.

Yesterday I learned that one of the gas tank straps on my mom's car (which I am currently driving) rusted off and the other was probably not far behind.  So I brought it in today.  Now, what you may not know...is that thanks to my grandpa being a mechanic for more than 50 years of his life, I grew up practically in a car garage.  I spent almost all of my childhood at my Grandparents' house and Grandpa's garage was right next door.  So I spent a lot of my childhood playing around in and around the garage.  Talking to all of the customers that came through the door (even one that was an unbelievable customer...but that's a different story).

So when I got there, I felt as though it seemed a lot like Grandpa's garage, but I didn't realized until I got inside the garage just how much like Grandpa's it was.  It was just the little things, the lights used to look inside cars, the car jacks, the rollers to get under the cars, even the stuff they poured on the wet marks.  It was a lot to take in, I hadn't been in a garage like that since Grandpas.  It made me realized just how much I still miss him.  How much I miss calling and hearing his "Hello" and his "I'm still here" after being asked how he was, which I always laughed at and said, "of course you're still here!"  Now, I don't find it so funny.  He was the only person I have ever let me call "princess."

He meant the world to me, and still does.  I love and miss him so much.

If you have any, share some Grandpa stories...I would love to hear them!

So, as an owner of a production company...I would like to Market my own productions...not just the ones that I am going to do for local businesses...I have ideas for documentaries...

The easiest way to market myself is via Youtube...the problem with this is that Youtube has decided to claim all copyright for everything on their site.  As much as this protects its users, at the same time it really sucks for the people that want to promote their own work and want their own copyright.  I don't want to give youtube the chance to take credit for something I created.  That I spent MY time and MY money on by going to locations and shooting and all the hours in the editing studio.  All Youtube can claim is that they are my output.  In order for them to TRULY claim copyright is for something THEY created...not something I create and then take credit for.

The only way to actually take credit is to become a partner...but I am about 1000 subscribers away from that.  I currently have 28...not exactly enough to partner with youtube.  I want to become partner on youtube, not because they pay you (though that's a perk) but because I want what I create and put on youtube to be MINE.

Does anyone else agree with this?

So, I decided I am done with banks...done...they take you for all you have...if I need to use a check system then  I will use money orders...but for now, I think it would just be easier to be done with banks.

My whole paycheck was used up to pay off an over draft fee that SHOULD EVEN exist!  I am not happy about this right now.  I am so sick of TCF I could just explode...and I sort of did *looks at her now mangled phone book* yeah...destroyed my phone book...the whole thing...it's as if I dropped a glass on the floor and shattered everywhere...that's how much rage I had...I almost want to destroy it more just to get me to feel a little bit better....that can't be healthy...XD

I am at a loss today...I have nothing to talk about...however, I think that is the point of BEDA and VEDA (which if you haven't been watching my VEDA Vlogs go do that www.youtube.com/user/agactinggirl).  But I think the point is to Vlog or Blog even if you don't really have anything to say.  It's about not needing something extrodinary to do or say and just getting you to do something.  I don't know...I don't know if there's some amazing meaning behind it all...all I know is that I like to do random things and this seemed like a good random thing to do.  I still have to come up with some sort of Vlog for today as well...now that I am out of Detour stuff...then again I suppose I could do a slideshow of Detour pictures I took...but I am afraid that would be boring...This was a lot easier when Chip and I were vlogging together and I only had to come up with something once a week.  Not to mention she challenged me to do stuff...THAT'S IT!  I will let my viewers Challenge me!

As for here...since Leslie is the only one who seems to read these...you don't get to do anything :-P

Something that does bug me is my work schedule this week.  I have to work on Good Friday, which isn't fair...now, I am not a huge church goer...but I never (or at least rarely) miss Easter weekend services (Maunday Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Morning) nor do I miss Christmas...but this year my work is MAKING me miss Good Friday by making me work for eight hours.  Now, who else thinks this should not be happening...isn't there some law protecting my rights?  No of course not because of the constitutional thing of Freedom of Religion...which has been used as a weapon more than used as a tool.  From what I understand it is MY right to worship whichever God I see fit...or my right to not worship a God at all.  And those rights should most definitely NOT be taken away.  Anyone should be free to do with their beliefs as they see fit.  But isn't my job then in turn taking that constitutional right away from me by making me work that day?  Now I understand they can't close down because EVERYONE wants to go to church that night...but let's be honest...not everyone is going to be going to church that night.

Too bad I am too much of a wimp to say anything...I hate that job.

I think that fits as a SoapBox Episode...you think so?

So, Cosmo is nine months old...time flies...seriously...I still can't believe Detour 09 is done...it only feels like yesterday when I was talking to Chris and Matt for three hours at the end of Detour 07...



It also only feels like yesterday that Vic asked to take a picture with me because I was honoring his song



It feels like only yesterday that....this...happened



It feels like only yesterday that I made new friends thanks to cosplaying YGO characters



It feels like only yesterday that Cosmo was born



Or since I picked him up



It still even feels like yesterday that Corvette looked like this



But all of those things happened at least 8 months ago (Or in Corvette's case 8 YEARS ago)...that is just insane...It's funny how fast time flies...

So, I worked tonight...and Bailey and I are pretty sure that one of our breeders is a puppy mill...it sucks...but it's probably true...we feel betrayed and feel like bad people because we have sold dogs by him...

We are going to do everything we can to shut him down.

Alright, so Detour has come to another end...and boy was this a crazy year or what!?

So today I got to a panel and was asked to JOIN the panel...so I am joining the panel from here on out.  Crazy right?

I said bye to Kyle during closing ceremonies and he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, told me to be good and to be safe and went on his way.

I am now EXHAUSTED!  Detour really took a lot out of me...I remember a time when I could literally recall EVERYTHING I did during the day when  I would write these...crazy...I can't anymore...I did hang out with Kyle for about an hour before he had to sign stuff...

So, today was pretty much AWESOME!  I hosted my panel again at Detour.  It was the Risembool Rangers vs Miniskirt Army panel that I hosted last year.  This year wasn't only a better turnout...it was SUCH a better turnout that it just blew last year right out of the water!  I was so excited about it! :-D

ALSO, this gentleman came up to me right before the panel and said, "Hello, I am Adam from FUNimation Entertainment...I have an announcement I would like to make here at Anime Detour and I was wondering if I could use your panel for just a few minutes."  I said yes and off he went.  FUNimation decided to OFFICIALLY announce that they have the new FullMetal Alchemist series and that they will be streaming it live starting on Thursday on their site.  They will air EACH and EVERY episode five days after they air in Japan.  Needless to say I felt pretty damn important for that to be announced at MY panel! :-D

As the day went on, I basically hung out with Niki and Tye the rest of the night.  We walked around...then hung out in their room...then we walked around a bit more and then went to Bin's room and watched the Cosplay contest!  Where we felt it necssary to write some names of bad cosplayers in the death note XD

Oh today was a wonderful day!  Less Kyle filled...but still awesome! :-D

WEEE!  I love Anime Detour! 

I hung out with people all day...kind of went between groups...and then went out to Dinner with Kyle, Momo, Viper, and another squiddy friend!  LOVE it!  Go check out my youtube channel for the fun video I took today! :-D

So, Detour is tomorrow...and I am really excited!  However, I feel like it has just gone by so fast.  I feel like it was just yesterday that we all ended the world at Detour last year.  But no, it has been a whole year!  Crazy!  I have a plan of attack already...but anyone that goes to conventions know that many times your plans need to be rearranged somehow...one way or another.  Though, I do need to grab Greg sometime tomorrow for a picture and a signing of my shirt...it's not Detour until all voice guests sign my shirt!

The one thing that bugs me this year, is that I go for all the acting stuff...I am an actress after all....I like making connections with actors and getting to know what it's really like to be a professional actor whether it's theatre, Voice over, or Television/film.  However, everyone that is going this year, not only have I met them, but they are all Detour veterans.  So that kind of irritates me, but I don't know.

Hopefully tomorrow Leslie and I will do some LiveJournal stuff...she said she is going to give me a crash course in everything livejournal...so after this one, LiveJournal entries should look better.  YAY!

I am all packed, for the most part at least...so that's a good deal.

So, I am watching an episode of Will and Grace (love) and James Earl Jones is a guest start...and I love him.  He's awesome!  His voice is AMAZING and according to this episode, he has no trouble making fun of himself!  That is awesome!

Wow, this BEDA thing just isn't going to go well...I have nothing else to talk about!

I promise to get better at this :-D

Alright, so I heard about this...it's sweeping the youtube world...not that I watch many vlogs...but one person I subscribed to brought it up and how she is NOT going to do it...well I am going to TRY...we will see how long this lasts...I am going to vlog and blog everyday in April...so come here everyday to read about things that I randomly say...I think I will just let you guys know what I did each day...

I actually do plan on doing this exact thing when I go to England in June of 2010...but at that point my life will be a little more exciting...right now I am a college student who apparently enjoys wasting her time blogging and vlogging when she's supposed to be on her way to campus to meet with one of her professors who will probably yell at her for being behind! GAH!

Oh well, if you would like to join me...that would be fantastic!  You can find me on youtube if you search out "agactinggirl" which is also my name on here...go figure!  Anyway, enjoy my worthless blogging and vlogging...let's hope something exciting happens this month...

HAHAHAHA ANIME DETOUR THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!

NEW RED DWARF A WEEK LATER!!!!!

ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL!!!!!

Yeah...this is going to be a BORING month ;-)

Alright, this is more of an update than it is telling you how I am feeling.  Anime Detour is coming...and I sadly could only wish it were a Red Dwarf Convention.

Alright, so I started going to Anime cons in 2007 when my anime obsession returned with a vengeance... I really liked anime in high school but my last year of high school and first year of college I kind of fell out of it...then fell back into it by accident the summer between my first and second years of college.  I found my way to the "Otaku Society" on the SCSU campus and they told me about how they go to this thing called Anime Detour that they go to every year...so upon joining, I started to plan my trip to Anime Detour...not knowing I didn't HAVE to go...

Now, I am a member of The Otaku Society...but I never go to meetings...I never have time...but I went to Anime Detour in 2007 anyway.  I had so much fun.  In the three days it takes to go to an anime convention, I was hooked.  I would go to a convention every weekend if I could.

As time went on, I slowly fell out of love with anime again, but I still loved anime conventions.  I still love anime, just not as obsessed as I used to be.

Recently I got back into Red Dwarf, an amazing British sitcom that EVERYONE should see!  They have conventions as well, but they are only ever in the UK.  And there is only one...it is called "Dimension Jump."

So as Detour approaches, I just wish it was a Red Dwarf convention where I could dress up as Rimmer from Quarantine...watch Quarantine and you will understand...or as Holly...which I plan to shoot a picture of after I finish this...but alas...it is in fact not a Red Dwarf convention.

I am still VERY excited and can't wait...but at the same time...I want more...I think I am a true addict...

Well the chapter in which read speech at the top of the chapter...is over.  It will make "guest appearances" in future chapters of my life, but as for it being a main player...well sometimes you just can't go back.  So join me in this ten year journey...

Seventh Grade (2000)...After I was in Cinderella, I was told by fellow cast mates about this thing called Speech.  I had never heard of it before.  After some persuasion I joined with my friend, Aaron.  I just didn't want to be alone in this group.  Little did I realize I didn't have to worry about doing it alone.  He and I joined the category known as "Dramatic Duo."  Even though our piece wasn't really "dramatic" nor was it "humorous."  It was really nothing but crap.  After about half the season, Aaron ended up moving away and changing schools...so I was without him.  I had two options...pick a new piece and go on my own...or quit and try again next year...I was young and green...so I quit speech that year.

Eighth Grade (2001)...I decided to give Speech another try...I asked all the friends I made in the previous year if they wanted to tackle "dramatic duo" with me.  None of them did...so I started work on an Original Oratory speech.  I decided to tackle a persuasive speech...but after I started writing, I realized I didn't care enough about anything to do a good job...so I went back to my acting roots and tried my hand at Humorous.  My piece was about dogs...which wasn't a surprise when it came to me.  I failed miserably....

Ninth Grade (2002)...I tried AGAIN...not just speech, but humorous...I don't even really remember this piece...all I know is that people didn't really like it.  This year involved a new coach...Mrs. Albrecht...who wasn't a good coach because she decided that it was more important to judge the way I lived my life than to judge my speech.  Now if I were doing self-destructive things, I would have understood...but what I was doing wasn't self-destructive...I just watched TV...apparently to this woman, this was a crime against nature and it needed to stop.  After half of the season, I quit...again.

Tenth Grade (2003) was my hiatus because of what had happened the previous year.  Though Niki, my other friend, had stayed in it all those years and found a love in Extemp Reading.  She urged me to join again...but I just didn't respect Mrs. Albrecht for saying things like that to me.  So I declined and just stuck with theatre.

Eleventh Grade (2004)...A new year brought yet another new coach.  One was fired and the other moved on...so Kim, a dear friend of mine, became the new head coach.  See, Kim was the assistant "coach" of the Improv Troupe I was a member of.  Even if our relationship started out rocky, we had developed a close friendship in the previous three years.  So it didn't take much convincing on Niki's part to get me to try it one more time.  By this point it seemed that the team was brand new.  Some familiar faces, but the year I took off lead to so many new faces that I was eager to meet.  This time around I decided to be smart...so I got myself a drama piece and tried that.  I succeeded with it which made me happy.  I never placed, but I did get to sections!  Definitely a success story!

Twelfth Grade (2005)...Kim remained the coach of speech and added Beth, the head "coach" of Improv, as assistant coach.  Beth borrowed me a book written by one of my favorite actresses of the time, Roseanne Barr.  I found the perfect prose piece, so I cut it added an intro and went with it.  A couple of practices into the season my friend Braden and I decided to try our hand at the same "Dramatic Duo" from before...the perfect circle in my Speech life.  So we both did what is called "double entering."  He and I decided to tackle both Prose and Dramatic Duo, and all three pieces were very intense.  We both excelled in our prose pieces so we only did our Duo piece for fun.  When it came to Subsections we had dropped it all together.  I placed many times that season; however, I did not make it to sections...why?  Because I had come down with an infection which caused my voice to disappear from my body.  Though I still walked away with 7th out of twelve people...with NO voice, coughing through my piece, and even having to start over once.  So nothing to be ashamed of.  Besides, me not going gave Aleksey, the Russian Exchange student a chance at going.  So I was happy for him!

Freshman Year of College (2006)...I was VERY sad that I was done with speech.  I loved it so much the last two years.  I liked the coach, the coach cared about me, and I succeeded as well as made many friends.  Kim caught wind of the fact that I was coming home EVERY weekend...so she called me and asked if I could judge for her.  I said yes, and began to judge every weekend.  I only missed two that year, for a play that I was in.  I hung out with old friends and made a couple new ones...but for the most part I stayed away from the newbies (I know...not really good).

Sophomore Year of College (2007)...I was expected to return as a judge, and so I did.  Though because of bad weather, many meets were cancelled.  So I just kept waiting.  I still pretty much just hung out with the people I hung out with in high school, but I started to move around to the new people on the team and made some new friends.

Junior Year of College (2008)...this was by far one of the hardest years to come back for.  My family had moved completely out of the area...so I had to drive in every week very early...this was the year where most of my friendships just flourished.  I became more than a judge...I became a mentor and another coach.  Kim depended on me for some things that she couldn't fit into her hectic schedule.  By this time she had two new assistant coaches who also helped her in every way they could.  I too was happy to help out.  Even if I had an amazing time that year, I vowed that it would be the last year I did it...the commute was just too much for me...

Senior Year of College (2009)...Kim never even gave me the choice in the matter.  She automatically assumed I either forgot or lied the year before...which I didn't mind...I had rested up and was ready for the God awful commute again!  And for the most part this was the year I didn't mind.  I was just so happy to meet all the new speechies and see all my old friends again.  This was also the year that I realized that everything was different.  There were only two people left on the team that even remembered me as a competitor...other than that, everyone just thought of me as the judge and secondary coach.  Which I didn't mind, but at the same time thought it was a strange feeling.  I loved it...but I also hated it...Speech was/is different...not in a bad way...or even a good way...just different.

Speech is perhaps one of the most important and amazing things that happened in my life.  And Kim is a really big part of that.  I made some friendships that I really honestly think will be lifelong friends.  And I thank God everyday for the opportunity to have done this for so long.  Even though it feels like only yesterday since I started speech, yet it was so long ago.

So even if this is the end of it being a top priority in my life, it will still remain very important to me.  I love all of my speechies and I will forever love the thing known as speech!

So a week ago yesterday I gave a lecture to some high school students about the Elia Kazan film On the Waterfront where he justifies his days as a friendly witness by glorifying the idea of testifying.  Granted they HUGE difference is...On the Waterfront is about murder and what Elia Kazan did was far from testifying against a murderer.  He testified against the idea of Communism and named names of many communists in this country.  Which destroyed many people's lives.  But this blog is NOT about my lecture...

So along with the lecture, my friend (who also did the lecture) and I also had to assign homework.  A short essay about what we talked about.  Which were due yesterday.  So today I stopped by Chris' office, Chris being the professor that head this little thing up, and picked up half of the papers.  It is up to me to give these twelve kids grades.  The same grades that I dreaded in high school.  Though with my personal feelings, I want to give half of them Fs due to the tiny length of their essays, one was only half a page!  But we will see.  I need to give them some feedback and let them know what flies and what doesn't fly in college as decent writing.  So That should be entertaining.

So when did I join the other side?  The side of the teacher?  It's kind of crazy to be honest.  I don't know what to do to be honest.  I don't know the first thing about grading papers or even what to look for.  Well I guess I will figure it out! 

I am suffering from what my brother in-law likes to call, "transfer student syndrome," or at least that's what I remember him calling it.  Either way, it's the perfect term for someone in my position.

I graduated high school in 2005...I knew what I wanted out of my life...I wanted to act...well I want to act...I don't need nor want to be famous....I don't even really care if people know who I am...I just want to make a difference in at least one person's life through the gifts that I have been given...and one of those gifts is my love of acting (and I think I am good at it...I hate saying things like that).  Well I went to Bemidji State University my freshman year...because I was stupid before that and never really looked at college...I never thought about it...I saw two...one I knew I wasn't going to go to (Northern Arizona University) and one that I don't think I would have ever really wanted to go to (Winona State University).  I only applied to one of those schools and was rejected...that would be Winona by the way.  So when all else failed, I was told to apply at BSU...I did...I was accepted.  I still have the email in which tells me "congrats!"  Congrats my ass...BSU is not a good school.  I am sure plenty of people like it...but in today's world you need an accredited school in order to do anything.  So I transferred to St. Cloud State University.  This was a good choice for two reasons.  One, I could study FILM instead of THEATRE (as much as I love theatre...my heart truely likes in the world of film and television.  Two, it is accredited.  HOWEVER, Universities don't like transfers...it cheats both parties out of money...BSU lost the last three years of my college career...and SCSU never got my first year...so both Universities decided to screw me over in their own little ways.

Bemidji, decided it would be a HOOT to not transfer my credits over to St. Cloud!  Oh the numbers and grades transferred...but useless numbers.  Only one class transferred over...so all 34 credits I took my freshman year THREE of them actually transferred into something useful...So, even though I spent a whole year working my ass off to make the Dean's list (which I did) meant nothing...granted SCSU could have also tried to fit those credits somewhere...or called it good, "she met THAT criteria...so let's give that to her..." nope...that's not how the bureaucracy of our educational system works.

St. Cloud on the other hand...thought it would be funny to watch me take classes that mean nothing to me just because I have to!  Now, I asked them, ever so nicely, back in September to waive SEVEN credits...SEVEN...and they did not do that kind gesture for me.  They decided that the 34 credits I did not pay for would have to be made up some other way...now these seven credits had nothing to do with my major, minor, or gen eds...let's go back to the comment about "take classes that mean nothing to me" section of this paragraph...

Now, I have been going year round for the last three years...and I am about ready to burst with horrifying irritation and stress...no one should EVER do that...especially when you have to fit in an entire semester worth of information into a month...summer session is not for the weak. So this summer I am taking off...because I am ready to go insane...now, I know what you are thinking..."well real jobs don't give you summer break..." yes...but this arguement is shit...here's why...those of you that say that have forgotten what it is like to be in school!!!  School is horribly stressful.  Yes, there are horrible stresses in "real jobs" too...but for the most part they are all personal versus job-related...yes some jobs can be VERY stressful...but a lot of the times you can go home and leave work at the office...but students...they have to think about school at all times...I would SO much prefer to work Fulltime at the Pet Center than to go to school tomorrow...I hate school...I really do...for a number of reasons...mostly because of the irritating liberal agenda that is forced down my throat every two seconds...and yes I CHOSE a career path that is pretty heavy on the liberals...but I can handle liberals...what I can't handle are professors that sit there and say, "this is what I believe so you had better believe it too!"  I am sorry...I am not about to sell out my beliefs just to get on your good side!  I play the game...those of you who are out of or still in college know what I am taking about...but I don't play the game to that extent.  

Now, what is my problem exactly?  Well the Transfer Student Syndrome is the very fact that no matter what you do or how hard you work you are screwed and don't get to graduate when you originally intended! Yes, my damage is minimal...an extra semester...however, I hate the fact...HATE the fact that Jess still got to graduate when she wanted to...hate so much that I have a slight resentment towards her now...I know that's terrible to say...but I honestly do...I have NEVER said (typed) that before...no one but me knows that...and feels it...but I do...and I just want this school thing to be over so that I don't HAVE to feel this way anymore...so God help me as I work my ass off one last semester...then I can have that really expensive piece of paper...that is all it has become to me...yes, I will leave college with knowledge....but nothing I couldn't have learned on the road and with my own two hands...oh well...here's to one more semester!

When a puppy comes into your life, you are like a first time parent.  You are handed a little thing that is an alien.  You don't know what to do with it...you just hope you don't kill it.  Now this is when it is your puppy.  I have had two dogs in my past that I never thought that with.  I saw them as playmates and as brothers.  Of course I was seven and ten, so there is a subtle difference between that and twenty-two.  Now I have a dog that is my own and got to learn those feelings.  But all dogs teach you important life lessons no matter what age, gender, or ethnicity you are.

First there was Jack.  The Siberian Husky that my parents decided to get.  He was a top line show dog.  His dad, Cubby Zane, was a national champion and he was papered beyond belief.  Jack was only in my life for a short time, but still he taught me so much.  He taught me what it meant to lose something you loved dearly.  He was only just over a year when he escaped from his kennel one night and was hit by a drunk driver.  Jack was always a runner.  He couldn't stay still, and we couldn't teach him how to stay in the yard.  He was always tied up, in the kennel, or in the house.  He was so smart.  At one point he learned how to open his kennel, which is why we decided to lock it.  However, he figured that one out too.  Which is what caused his painful end.  

Then there was Dakota.  Dakota has been in my life for thirteen years now.  And he has taught me so many important things.  Like how to trust and open my heart.  Yes, he is just a dog, but for someone who grew up with as much as I did, I needed someone to turn to...and he was the perfect specimen.  Someone who would listen to me, love me unconditionally, and only cared.  He has never judged me or told me what I need to do to fix it.  He would just listen and wait for me to stop crying and then still be right by my side.  I remember once when he was only about two years old.  I was playing with him and started to think about Jack.  I sat and started to talk about him and I started to cry.  Dakota, uncharacteristically, walked up to me with his tail down and his tongue not slobbering all over the place.  He put his paw on my knee and just looked at me.  That was the moment I knew he understood what I said, or at least understood my feelings.  I looked into his eyes and saw something I had never seen before...that love that dogs have for the people in their lives.  It was as if he would do anything for me.  And he has proven that love time and time again throughout his life.  Dakota has also taught me how to be strong.  He loved playing rough house.  Wrestling, biting, and jumping...the whole works.  He must have known that I needed to be physically strong.  Whether that was just a feeling he had, because I do believe dogs and cats are clairvoyant...another thing that has been proven to me, or if it was some prehistoric instinct that drove him to make sure that I was ready and strong enough for the world.  I don't think half of my strength would have come unless I had played with Dakota like that.  He taught me what it means to be family.  There have been times when it seemed like it was he and I against the world.  Like when we spent a week with dad at his townhouse in Bloomington when I was sixteen...he and I spent everynight that week cuddling and waiting to go home.  He taught me loyalty.  There is nothing more loyal than a dog...that isn't a Siberian Husky.  He was by my side every chance he got, his tail wagged when he saw me getting off the school bus and made my way down the driveway, and there was nothing he loves more than to sit and cuddle with me.  And I know that soon he will teach me how to grieve all over again.

Then there was Cosmo.  Cosmo has probably taught me more than I could ever write in one blog, and he's only eight months old.  He has taught me how much puppies are really like children.  He plays in the mud, whines, and is as selfish as a young child.  This isn't a bad thing.  Now I know why they say that young couples should get a dog before having kids.  It is like a crash course in parenting.  So if that's the case then I know what it is like to be a single parent.  Granted I can leave Cosmo in the house (well the bathroom) when I need to leave, so there's one thing I don't have to worry about that I would with an actual human child.  He taught me how to love something with all my heart. Now, I love my parents, sister, brother in-law, and nieces with all my heart.  I also love many of my friends with all my heart.  But it's different when there is a life completely depending on you.  This goes back to what I said at the beginning, I was handed a little tan puppy that looked at me not knowing what he was about to go through.  He looked at a stranger who would soon become someone that he depended on for food, comfort, and a warm safe place to live.  Because he depends so much on me, loves me so much, and expects me to be his alpha...his supplier of basic needs.  I have so much to live up to and I need to meet his needs...not so that he loves me or so I don't disappoint him...but because I love him.  I have a dying need to make sure that he wants for nothing and that he grows up happy.  He taught me how to assert myself as an alpha.  With Jack and Dakota, my parents were Alphas...I was a littermate.  Now that I am the head of the household I need to be the one who asserts herself and teaches the dog how to be a good citizen in the world.  He taught me how not to freak out.  There have been many times when he would cough, sneeze, have the runs, and other types of things where I would freak out and call the vet or my mom in tears wondering what's wrong.  Now I run across those problems and I don't worry as much.  I just know that he is like any other child and gets sick every now and then.  It is a fact of life and that is just the way it works.

Even the dogs at work have taught me things that I don't think any other dog could ever teach me.  First off they taught me that I can like, or at least tolerate, little dogs.  I never liked little dogs.  I always found them annoying and ugly.  However, there have been a few little dogs at work where I thought, if I ever got a little dog...I would get this kind.  They taught me how to take care of puppies on a mass scale.  On average we have at least fourteen dogs at work...and I have to feed, clean, and treat all of them while I am at work.  I could work at a veternarian office with all I have learned in the six months I have worked there.

There are so many more life lessons I have learned and so many more that I will learn as Cosmo grows and as my family grows.  It is amazing how much you learn from an animal that you would never expect.

What are some things your dogs have taught you...